EVEN WHEN MATSUZAKA HAS A BAD OUTING, it's okay. So he gives up a walk every inning? It's still five innings of no-hit baseball. Maybe the hype machine has gone into overdrive, but if the cap'n says he's the real thing, then he's the real thing:

Matsuzaka? He has at least five or six pitches, maybe seven, though getting people like Varitek to identify them is like trying to crack the Da Vinci Code. At this stage, it appears Matsuzaka throws a four-seam fastball, curveball, slider, cut fastball, split-fingered fastball and changeup, the latter of which is the mythical gyroball that Matsuzaka throws with the arm action of a screwball.

Isn’t that right?

“I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you,” mused Varitek, eagerly awaiting a decision.

A short time later, in response to another question about Matsuzaka’s arsenal, Varitek nodded and said, “No.”

If you are somewhat mystified by all of this, do not be embarrassed. Matsuzaka has so many pitches that Varitek actually is using a cheat sheet similar to those employed by NFL quarterbacks. Depending on the game situation, the same sign can mean an entirely different pitch, which is why the time shared by Varitek and Matsuzaka this spring has been so critical.

FOR ANYONE GOING THROUGH A MID-LIFE CRISIS, this should make for some excellent reading. Ostensibly, it's about inventing yourself and making a good impression. But for me, it's about confusion and angst:

It is said that we are all three different people: the person we think we are (the one we have invented), the person other people think we are (the impression we make) and the person we think other people think we are (the one we fret about). You could say it would be a lifetime's quest to reconcile this battling trinity into a seamless whole.

(Via kottke)

DAISUKE MATSUZAKA HAS A BAD OUTING during spring training. Oh, no! It's the end of the world! It's the end of the world! We're all doomed!!!

Or maybe not.

LIFE IN THE BIG CITY AND FRIED CHICKEN CRAVINGS don't always make the best of friends. Or so I learned from this video. Unfortunately, I saw the video last week and ate at the fine dining establishment in question four weeks ago. But never fear, now that KFC has brought an expert in on the scene, I'm sure everything will be fine from now on:

Corrigan is a world-renowned expert on rodent problems. He once spent months living in a rat-infested barn to better study the rodent's behavior, and he has taught at the New York City Rodent Control Academy.

There's a Rodent Control Academy?